I saw this on Law Enforcement Today's facebook page and absolutely love this!! It is written by Chaplain Allison P. Uribe of the San Antonio Police Department.
Our days are filled with
schedules, deadlines, and time sensitive agendas. These obligations may
keep most of us from ever truly being able to engage in a moment of
making a difference. The busyness in our daily lives can rob us of
slowing down and taking time to listen to another. It can affect how we
listen to our very own families, and many times our very own officers.
Although we seek to be a support system and encouragement to our
officers, there are times we miss the mark. We miss listening. Listening
requires full attention and focus. It is the ultimate form of
communication. Not only do we learn more about what is being expressed
to us, but we gain knowledge of what is in the heart. By listening, you
gain knowledge of what your loved one is battling.
It was a hot afternoon and I was doing my daily cleanup around the
house. I was cooking, caring for my baby boy, and folding laundry when I
noticed my husband had been quiet since his arrival at home. He usually
arrived home with a smile and was quick to jump into his father and
husband role with joy, but this particular day was different.
His smile was not so genuine and his demeanor was very serious. I
could always tell a good day from a bad day by the sounds made from the
Kevlar vest. On a good day, the Velcro sounded quick and fast as if
something was ripping apart. On a bad day, as he pulled of his vest, the
Velcro sounded long and drawn out as if he was trying to take it off
without making a sound.
The Velcro sounded like a bad day that afternoon. I proceeded to ask
him about his day and he said it was ok as he tried to get comfortable
on the couch. I did not want to push him to talk to me as I knew if he
wanted to talk, he would eventually. My officer was never one to talk
about his day on the beat back then, so I silently prayed for the next
few hours.
Dinner time came, we ate with few words spoken, and as I began to put
all the dishes in the sink, he looked at me, gave me a half smile, and
said, “Thank you”. I asked, “For what?”, and he proceeded with, ”I know
you know I had a bad day but I was not ready to talk about it and not
sure I even wanted to talk about it. I am now.” With a dish in my hand
and a towel over my shoulder, I knew I had to stop what I was doing and
focus on my husband.
I said, “Okay honey, I’m listening.” He proceeded to tell me about
the horror he had faced that day and although my heart was racing and I
couldn’t bear to hear much more, I fought back tears as he told me about
what he saw and heard. I was frozen and made sure he knew I would not
budge till he was through. Although I had many questions, I never once
interrupted him or took my eyes off of him. I nodded my head each time
so he knew I was following him and listening to everything he had to
say.
I could see his eyes watering, and noticed his fists clench as he
spoke, and I could only wonder what kind of a mental battle he was
facing. I could tell from his watery eyes that he was hurt by what he
saw and his clenched fists showed me he was also angry about the
situation. After he shared with me what was on his heart, I heard him
take a deep breath and noticed a sense of relief in his face. I held his
hand, smiled, and stood up to give him a hug. I told him how much I
loved him and how sorry I was he had to deal with that.
Although every LEO is different and some may want to talk while
others may not, it is vital to be ready and willing to listen when they
are ready to speak. It is healthier for an officer to talk to someone
about how they are feeling or handling themselves after any form of
traumatic stress. At times questions could be helpful in getting someone
to open up, while at times, it may even just frustrate them if they are
not ready.
Effective listening should be learned and mastered. Listening
requires full attention, it is not just hearing. We can hear noises all
around us but to truly listen to what is being heard is a different
thing. Are we hearing our officers or listening to them? Listening is
one of the best ways we can express our love and dedication to our LEO.
They walk many dark valleys, see things no one could bare to see, and
run toward what majority of us would run away from.
The benefits of listening to your LEO are countless. The number one
thing listening will show your officer, is that you support them.
Because you love your officer so much, what better way to show them that
you care? Listening will also help you to better understand what they
may be feeling at the moment in case there is need for concern,
especially paying attention to any underlying meanings in what they say.
As we care for our LEO’s we must remember that they need to be heard
and we need to be ready and willing to listen. We may not always have
the answers or solutions, but at times, listening is the answer and the
solution. Our ears are our greatest communication tool and our greatest
ministry.
Winston Churchill said, “Courage is what it takes to stand up and
speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” As our
officers show courage to speak about what they face, what they see, and
what they feel, let us be ready with open hearts and listening ears.
Allison P. Uribe is an auxiliary chaplain with the San Antonio
Police Department. Allison’s husband has been a San Antonio police
officer for 10 years. She is also a chaplain with Serve and Protect,
serving the spiritual and emotional needs of law enforcement, fire/
rescue, and corrections; www.serveprotect.org or 625-373-8000. Allison
is the founder of Wives on Duty Ministries, designed to support and
encourage wives of law enforcement and other emergency services through
the word of God; www.wivesonduty.com or email Allison at
wivesonduty@att.net. She is also the lead community chaplain and
student with Global University Berean School of the Bible and speaks at
many law enforcement events. Allison wrote “Because I’m Suitable-The
Journey of A Wife on Duty”, geared toward wives of law enforcement;
http://www.amazon.com/Because-Im-Suitable-Journey-Wife/dp/1449740839
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